Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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