I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
