pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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