How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
