He kissed a someone with a penis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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