He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
