You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
