Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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