I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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