Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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