I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
