went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
