Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
