I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
