Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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