can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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