This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
