i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
