How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
