I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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