Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
