So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
