I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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