i love accidental penises.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
