she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
