i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
