So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
