Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
