Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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