Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
