so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
