I love black thongs
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
