I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
