i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
