This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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