people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
