one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Boobs are out for the taking
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
