I skipped work to stalk him.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
