good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
