i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
