That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
