I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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