Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
