Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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