oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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