If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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