Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
