A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I could fuck to npr.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
