i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
