so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
