I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
