He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
